Monday, July 28, 2014

8 Dining Tips To Enhance Fail Experience

Is because we long time no update blog, because we no more fail in finding shitbrix restaurant. Because of this, we FAIL to get fail food and FAIL to update this blog. Is sure confirm all our Admins FAIL. This maked me very tulan, so I tew 9 all my admins.

They keep quiet. So it take me many years to come out this guideline, so we all can have fail experience in our dining night. As the saying goes,
“if wanna fail, fail properly…with class” – anon

So after fighting off my procrastinating disease, I decide to give you this list, while procrastinating on what to write.

Tips to enhance your fail experience in dining

1) Looking for a restaurant
Many people will go survey first on where to eat based on what they wanna eat. So they go google. But this is FAIL. What they need to do is drive around a nearby town randomly picked. Then look for the restaurant with the LEAST number of people. Best is if it have ZERO humans inside, except for the staff


2) Dress In Appropriately
Go to fine dining place, sure wear formal and nice right? WRONG! You go high class place must wear low class clothing. Challenge authority dude. If you get kick out, create a scene. Don’t forget to take pics and video of your fail experience for social media awareness. People need to know, you know.

3) Pick a food not in menu
Is easy when you pick food right on menu. But to challenge the chef skill, pick a food item not in menu. Say like “I want the chicken piƱata tropical” When waiter ask whats that, reply “Is tropical chicken recipe!!! You chef so bodo dunno? Add la chicken and pineapple and special sos!!! Go!!! Tell chef to cook it!!! Be a Man!!!”

4) Holding cutlery
When go fine dining, you follow the sequence of cutleries layed before you on table. Don’t use it. Instead, bring your own silver chopstick. Lay on table. Eat all food served, with chopstick. Even if its steak or dessert. If Waiter kicks you out, take selfie with waiter.

5) Bring electronic device
In present culture, everybody take pics of food, video, and selfies. While in restaurant, take lots of selfies, then pics of the place, and the visitors. Make sure u turn on Flash with lout shutter sound on your mobile phone. When food arrived, take pics of food. Every item of food must have at least four angles, the top angle, side angle, macro angle, and the blur blur angle. Spend 10mins on this. Make sure food turns cold. If food cold, call waiter and scold him kao kao why food is cold and demand send back to warm it. Make lots of noise. Confirm waiter sure tulan.

6) Choose restaurant name:
That have “Fusion” in the name. or mcd or oldtownkopitiam or vargina… Sure fails

7) Go to top class restaurant, when you… ..are feeling sick. Yea..every thing you put in your mouth sure taste bland.

8) Go eat at A&W Confirm sure fail 110%

Friday, September 20, 2013

ahkiang upcar in meow meow land

Ni hao. Long time no see. gutterfood is back and ahkiang is feel funny with kuching food. most food cannot go one and they putted weird stuff to cook. ahkiang think very hard that kuching can fight puchong to be most not human eated place on earth.


this wan local special vege. call miding or mirin i dunno but you confirm see it every upcar place u go. is curly one like pubic hair that only grow on kuching hill. kuching ppl only know to cook it with sambal belacan but i don't see sambal also. i tell you this is con job.


the fish also big con. we choose left he give right. this is teo chew shitbrix knn style. i eated the fish is overcook to hell liao


i ask them what is their most special sotong. they tell me is gong pou stlye. ahkiang says it's laosai style™. kuching pepur pls climb down the tree come to west malaysia (the best malaysia) and see how ppl cook gong bou laaaaa.


the long siham really got siham smell. got weird juice inside n when you press press it with fork the juice picit out like squeeze pimple fuuuuuuuuuuuuu. you see got how many left??? that is after i feed the cat many many liao. the cat also know is fail 9 jor mia food and the poor pussy ran like got ghost chase



really jackpot of upcar. free laosai here if you cannot pangsai.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Our Sincere Apologies

Good day readers ! It certainly has been quite some time since
we updated our blog. We are currently facing some technical issues
but rest assured all will be well in time to come.

I would like to take this opportunity to bring you some good news.
First of all we have a new domain and a new server. Finally, we have
a place we can call our own. However migration of files and pictures
haven't been easy thus taking alot of our time. During the course of
3 months, we had alot of preparation work and encountered difficulties.
We had to even hold back alot of postings just to rectify and troubleshoot
some of the complexed programming which cannot be done
via microsoft word. I learned that the hard way.

Our new domain is now accesible....

http://thegutterfood.com/

We are currently trying to rectify the system which will update both
here and there. We hope that you, our exisiting readers and fans, will
continue to support us. Your moral support means everything to us.

Over the past years we have gained popularity and though
without revenue in return, your laughter and welfare was
enough for all of us to continue our small time publishing.

The team at thegutterfood isn't just about bringing laughter, it's also
about trend setting and an introduction to places which we had a very
bad encounter with. However, since we had to filter out some words,
we could never have gotten away just by cursing and swearing. That
is why we try to add in humor and laughter while amusing people
and all about to make our mark on the bad encounter we had.

I've had a lot of questions by our fans and readers. But unfortunately now
isnt' the time. I've got to get back to work on the migration to our new
servers. I promise you i will answer as best i can, in due time.

Email us if you wish to pen a note or encourage us or complain about us.

thegutterfood@gmail.com

-From the desk of some internet cafe by the team @ thegutterfood-

P/S:- I used microsoft word to type this. This internet cafe got free microsoft word but RM 3/h
so expense la

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

60's people use chili oil like it's free one

Ah Kiang now no more working in Sinjiapor liao, back to PJ where the shitbrix food is not so many one. But today when Ah Kiang wented for lunch at Seapark he saw the oiliest curry mee ever!
This curry mee is at the 60's Teo Chew Noodle restaurant, the one where many many OL and OB (office boys) go for lunch eated. They ran out of handmade double egg noodle, HOW KEN! It's their specialty and they never make more?? I has a skeptical liao. I see up and down left and right the menu and no see anything interesting. No choice loh, call curry mee.
You see the oil Ah Kiang hardworkingly scoop up after finishing the noodle. Is took 15 minutes OK! I think I can go be offshore oil and gas engineer hahahahaha.
This restaurant is actually quite ok if you eated the other things. And they also sell nais ice cream batangs at RM1, the durian one is gooding. But the curry mee ah, if you like scooping oil then you order loh. Ah Kiang say oily means oily™.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I confuse this place

Ah Wok and gf today go to seremban 2 to holiday. When walk
that time got see this place, got few people eated here so ok lor
go inside and try try. This place outside signbod and inside also
say is Hongkie Kopitiam. Never try before ma and since new to
me i adventure abit.

Open menu it say Boston char chan teng. I look at casher
kaunter also it say Boston. I kena bad experence in Boston
before but is in 32 Square there. I no put inside blog coz
my gf like the kari mee while my fry rice is fails. This time
i not can forgive this restoran liao. Name say is Hongkie,
other name is Boston. Which one i also dunno. Name also
can fail jor. Haihz.

See menu like got many thing. But i tell you not many thing
is nice. All is shitbrix wan.

You see la how fail this place. What is order CHIT ?
ORDER CHITTTTT AHHHHHH.
Then i cover abit the menu so you wont sked but it say
is Meehoon in papaya sup. Think about it also shitbrix jor.

My gf order this the girl rekomen wan. Is fish burger with
some fries. See also no appetite. The taste is good if eated
with many cili sos. If you eated this fish burger without cili
sos, confirm wont finish wan the burger.

The fries come is cold and soft. Bestest fries i eated in my
life is not here. This fries is not human eated wan. Lembik
Lembik and some also not fully cook. You see color also
can know oredi wan.

This i order coz the girl also rekomen. Is call 4 something.
Fuahhhh so hard to eated this. The bread so dry is like from
last week wan. The kaya is fails, the chiken floss dun go well
with the other 3 thing, the peanut butter dunno why got
extra kacang on top and the yellow part is NOT BUTTER
but is majerin.
WHERE GOT PPL EATED BREAD USE MARJERIN ???

See i show u majerin. Majerin got one kind of smell wan.
The taste also bo ngam me. If you cham all 4 thing and
eated, you confirm can shitbrix wan. But this bread the
girl tell me is top seller. I dun belif her. I know she bluff
me wan and wan me order coz she wan get rid of old stock.
I go up car this one jor.

See la, 1st day of 2011 oredi i kena gutterfood. Sumoar is
with my gf. Drop my water face oni. If i know this place is
call boston, i wont go in wan. Outside say Hongkie, inside also
say Hongkie, Even got umbrella for table also is call Hongkie
Kopitiam. How la liddat, name also the fella dunno. Haihz.

Please no come here. Really shitbrix wan. Any place use
majerin put on bread is low klass place. Start of the year oni
i up car liao. Haihz i nid go bath flower water jor.


Hongkie Kopitiam/Boston
Jusco Seremban 2 Shopping Center
N2 42.063 E101 54.694

Saturday, January 1, 2011

i up car at Pei Fook

Ni hao ! Now is 2011 liao and same here is at gutterfood. I wishing
all you happy new year and gong xi fa chai. Gutterfood soon to have
new thing but this standard is eated bad food still here wan. Since
i is 1sttttttttttttttttt to posting inside here liao in 2011, i wan tell
all you that the 2011 gutterfood of the year is voted by many
people wan and not just 1 people.

Anyway new year jor, so now Ah Wok bringing you 1st post of
this 2011 by tell you that in Kota Damansara there got this
restoran call Pei Fook sell the wantan mee.

My friend bring me come wan. Here you see the parking is
hard to find and every people park like their father road.
I ask my friend take my kapchai go but he dowan coz he is
class people so we sit his Vios tubo go to up car here.
He order this charsiew wantan mee. See also no mood eated
liao. I ask him taste like what, he tell me taste like last week
cook wan the food.

See his wantan ? Kenot see leh, is very small wan. Kenot use
chopstick coz too big, need use the tutpik wan.

I still growing so i order big. I tot is big mean more wantan
but i wrong. Big is mean more noddle and alot more expense.

I not like the noddle coz is half cook. When wantan noddle is
half cook, is half hard half soft. This kind is not for human eated
wan. And you see my wantan sup ? The sup is not for human
drink wan coz got taste like the water use to wash plate wan.
My vegetable is cold and stick together. I never see vegetable
stick together. Normally people use abit oil so vegetable not stick.
When stick one big lump how to bite wor ?

Hahaha my friend sup, no kaler, no taste and super small wantan.
The bottom is my one and you think you can see wantan but i
secretly tell you, i throw 1/2 my sup away so you can see. If not is
like my friend wan also.

In case you not believe me, here is my mini super small
tasteless wantan. In my small spoon and to prove how small
my wantan is, i putted the cili on top. People see also laff lor.

Nah you see, big noddle, very half cook, super small wantan and
vegetable stick together. How not to fail la this place ?

Got only 1 thing good and this place the tisu paper is the
big piece wan. Other place always give small tisu so need
use many, this restoran give big tisu wan.

My bill is i pay wan coz my friend is klass people drive
me in his Vios tubo. Is not expense but i can not bluff
you and say is worth the money. If you come here and
order wantan mee, which is all they sell, you will up car
just like me.


Pei Fook
Kota Damansara
N3 09.273 E101 35.668

Friday, December 31, 2010

Gutterfood of the Year 2010

2010 has been a good year for us - we avoided many gutterfood hence there were less posts, but that didn't mean we manage to avoid the worse gutterfoods out there.

This year, one stood out in particular as being the worstest Gutterfood of the year.

And the award goes to ... Esquire Kitchen Damansara Jaya!

Congratulations for being the worse eat of the year despite the strong competition.

Why Esquire? Well, you can see from this post as well as our other experiences that
- poor ingredient quality
- poorly cook dish
do make a completely shitbrix meal.

I am also disappointed in Esquire because you guys used to be good, then ok, then so-so, and now, shitbrix-inducing food. It really breaks my heart to see this.

Finally, Esquire, stop making those stupid fancy promotions on new products, and FIX UR GODDAMN BASIC DISHES FIRST!


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Room 18 gutter liao

I heard people said this restaurant the food is fail, but I no believe because I see the shop like very nice like that, so I go and try lor.

I eat this fried dumpling wanton mee, actually I not order this, I order is different, not this, but the waitress like very blur like that, she insist is this that I order, ok ok , she win all lah!


The fried dumplings are very salty, is it salt very cheap the chef wanna put so much wanna ham sei the customers is it??


Then the soup wanton mee, give so big bowl for what, because give people the mee so little. And the soup not nice because the kan shui taste very geng! Kan shui is the chemical they put in noodle to make the noodle more yellow and more tahan one, no good for health one I tell you. People come here pay double/triple than roadside stall, but still got taste the kan shui, how can?????????????


my friend said the fried rice no good wor, maybe fried til not even gua, you see still got white rice one.


After kutuk the rice and noodle, I want to say these custard buns are quite ok one. If I early know the noodle not nice, I go order all custard buns lor, no need waste money eat expensive wanton mee.



Room Eighteen
Midvalley Megamall

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Lala Chong Ching Chong Ching Chong

Hi again all gutterfood readers. Ah Wok is back again with
anudder post. This one abit more femes place called Lala Chong.
Is in some kampung call kayu ara near damansara jaya there
wan and the road to go in is super the lousy. Many hole here
there until my car esobar oso can spoil wan.

This place really many people come wan. When many people come
mean got high chance no go up car so i no nid to sked so much.
Unfortunately, this is not the case here if not i not write this liao.

I order in total 7 thing. This is taufu kang. I posted before
long ago same dish i eated in klang where it look like some
radiated starch thing. Here no radiate but here they put
many salt. So many many until become like ham choy sup.

If you dun belip me, you see this my friend bowl. He add so
much vinegar until look like kicap. He say to kill salty taste
must add more vinegar if not later sure hair drop off alot,
FFFUUUU. Sure laosai wan him. HAAHHAAHA.

This here is deer meat in black pepper. Is another failed dish
that is soooo fail until you can go hospital wan. Why ? The deer
meat got freezer smell and also i think they use marjerin to fry
this. WHERE GOT PPL USE MARJERIN FRY THING WAN ???
Come on la, use marjerin fry is bad for health wan you know.

This is lala chong most femes signature jiu pai dish. Is lala.
Here the taste ok-ok can pass. But problem is this plate is
RM 15. If i go elsewhere order same dish which is this superior
soup base siong thong lala for RM 15, i get more lala. And i also
get same taste. I dunno why people say fantastic, i eated this
at everywhere also almost taste same. Here they more expense
only. Why more expense ? Coz this is lala chong place ma.

The green vegetable i no complain also. Is choy sum. If choy sum
can fail means something wrong jor.

This next dish is fail. Is actually not deer meat coz the deer
meat i post liao. This is prawn. Is my RM 35 prawn. Look like
deer meat, taste like deer meat. I think they fry together to
save time wan. Also is got marjerin taste. And the prawn is
small. You see piktar you oredi can tell. Confirm you also this
prawn is not fresh wan. I wasted i should order the lai liu har
which i see swimming in the akuarium behind me. This is damn
expense and damn shitbrix. Look also dunno like what,
how to enjoy la ?

This one is another ultimate fail. Sweet sour crab. I got a few
compren this crab. Sweet also dun have, sour also dun have.
Crab is i think last month keep until now coz when eated that
time ah, the crab meat all stick to shell wan. Crab when u cook
fresh ah, easy to peel, 1 time all meat come out. This one very
mafan to eat. U peel the shell all stick so u kopek the shell out
bit by bit. Really make u work for your food. But the sos really
ah, aiyooooo i think i put maggi kicap also better taste than this.

This is super oily fry bun with plastik paper still stick at bottom.
If you dun belip me, next time u come here order this. Got plastik
stick at bottom of bun wan. See also sked, touch that time super
oily. Where got i wan eated this la. Summore dip with what wor ?
The crab sos ??? I DIP KICAP ALSO BETTER AH. But no, i value
my health so i no touch this plastik oily bun. I sked.

My bill. Very con job i tell you. Lala is expense, prawn is expense,
crab is quite normal price since here is pj but fuah, after cook and i
eated, is consider super expense. Deer meat and taufu kang is really
shitbrixxxxxxxxx.

To cut short tl;dr version, the lala is not fantastic. My green vegetable
also is can eated. My deer meat is shitbrix, taufu kang is not for
human drink wan, crab is not for human eated wan, super oily plastik
bun is for play game wan and the prawn is go up car wan.
5 dish bad, 2 dish ok. Oh and you see my resit, i got no 2x titbit coz i early
early rejek say i dowan eat their kacang and mango. But they still charge
me. And then i oso dunno why i pay RM 16 tax money. And i also
no eated 4 rice. Only got 3 bowl. I lazy wan argue i pay and i curse
kau them instead coz kampung area better dun play play. After kenot
drive out i sked. Oh btw, my gf also no follow me here coz she go to
holiday eated singapore femes chiken rice which is also shud be in
this blog wan.


Lala Chong
Kampung Kayu Ara PJ
N3 07.446 E101 36.479