Monday, July 28, 2014

8 Dining Tips To Enhance Fail Experience

Is because we long time no update blog, because we no more fail in finding shitbrix restaurant. Because of this, we FAIL to get fail food and FAIL to update this blog. Is sure confirm all our Admins FAIL. This maked me very tulan, so I tew 9 all my admins.

They keep quiet. So it take me many years to come out this guideline, so we all can have fail experience in our dining night. As the saying goes,
“if wanna fail, fail properly…with class” – anon

So after fighting off my procrastinating disease, I decide to give you this list, while procrastinating on what to write.

Tips to enhance your fail experience in dining

1) Looking for a restaurant
Many people will go survey first on where to eat based on what they wanna eat. So they go google. But this is FAIL. What they need to do is drive around a nearby town randomly picked. Then look for the restaurant with the LEAST number of people. Best is if it have ZERO humans inside, except for the staff

2) Dress In Appropriately
Go to fine dining place, sure wear formal and nice right? WRONG! You go high class place must wear low class clothing. Challenge authority dude. If you get kick out, create a scene. Don’t forget to take pics and video of your fail experience for social media awareness. People need to know, you know.

3) Pick a food not in menu
Is easy when you pick food right on menu. But to challenge the chef skill, pick a food item not in menu. Say like “I want the chicken piƱata tropical” When waiter ask whats that, reply “Is tropical chicken recipe!!! You chef so bodo dunno? Add la chicken and pineapple and special sos!!! Go!!! Tell chef to cook it!!! Be a Man!!!”

4) Holding cutlery
When go fine dining, you follow the sequence of cutleries layed before you on table. Don’t use it. Instead, bring your own silver chopstick. Lay on table. Eat all food served, with chopstick. Even if its steak or dessert. If Waiter kicks you out, take selfie with waiter.

5) Bring electronic device
In present culture, everybody take pics of food, video, and selfies. While in restaurant, take lots of selfies, then pics of the place, and the visitors. Make sure u turn on Flash with lout shutter sound on your mobile phone. When food arrived, take pics of food. Every item of food must have at least four angles, the top angle, side angle, macro angle, and the blur blur angle. Spend 10mins on this. Make sure food turns cold. If food cold, call waiter and scold him kao kao why food is cold and demand send back to warm it. Make lots of noise. Confirm waiter sure tulan.

6) Choose restaurant name:
That have “Fusion” in the name. or mcd or oldtownkopitiam or vargina… Sure fails

7) Go to top class restaurant, when you… ..are feeling sick. Yea..every thing you put in your mouth sure taste bland.

8) Go eat at A&W Confirm sure fail 110%


Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say o.o

Anonymous said...

I oso dunno wat to say liao...

Happy walker said...

lol, totally fail~

(A Growing Teenager Diary)

Anonymous said...

Last one is just ouch.